Saturday, December 29, 2012
I wallowed in some delightful contrast yesterday. Awareness of my temporary disconnection from Source leaked in a bit as I berated and shamed myself for actions which had caused the inconvenience I had catastrophized into the downfall of civilization. I was driving at the time and I let the tumultuous sensations fueled by the momentum of the negative emotion blossom into a big loud expletive. Almost simultaneously I noted the blue of the sky. I tried reaching for a better feeling thought, but none was handy at the moment, so I groused and yelled a little more (mostly at myself) as I pulled into my driveway. I entered my house and just as I was leaning over to place my keys back into my purse I said out loud, "I'm really having a Step One moment right now." Relief and a modicum of clarity became available and instead of holding on to the anger, I let new thoughts begin filling in my grid.
It took some time to be inspired into action that could possibly lead to a solution. The momentum into the positive outcome needed to build a little so I waited. I had the notion that I had to be in the Vortex before I took the action but as I looked at the clock, I realized that I had just about an hour before the end of the business day, and I wanted to at least get an answer before the week ended. I pre-paved as best I could--trust me, it wasn't much--and picked up the phone. The call lasted about 15 minutes and mostly consisted of me on hold waiting for the person to research the situation. During those hold times I watched my mind manufacture more catastrophe, and found that breathing extinguished some of the negative thoughts. I would love to tell you that the positive outcome of the phone call sent me straight into the Vortex. The hour-long drama had been building for quite some time, though, and it took a little while for positive momentum to gather the oomph to lift me into the Vortex.
In the meantime, I had an impulse to go to YouTube and find some Abraham clips. With my resistance quickly oozing away, this is what Source had to say to me:
Here's what I realized: I can always find something to catastrophize about. And while I'm doing that, I'm expanding the Universe and I'm adding to my vibrational escrow. AND I can always find something to be appreciative of even in the midst of the contrast. In fact, the images connected to the turning points in this episode--the blue sky though my windshield--my hand aiming keys at my purse on the wood floor--keep flashing through my mind. And as I see these frames from the storyboard of my life, I get a little charge. Those pictures remind me that Source is calling me even as I ride the crest of a huge wave of contrast. And as Abraham reminds us again and again as we jump out of a plane at 50,000 feet, "Don't worry, it'll be over soon."