**Thank you to everyone who is emailing me with encouraging words. I'm having fun with this blog and I'm happy to think that others are enjoying it, too. I will get back to people personally after the Big Day.**
I'm in the groove of meditating for 10 minutes in the morning now (it seems like I add a little after the timer goes off, too). I used to need total silence--isolation, even--in order to meditate, but this morning there was noise in the house and I did fine. I'm making it a habit to bask in my bed before going to sleep because that usually gets me into the Vortex and then chances are good that I will wake up close to or in the Vortex and bask again. This morning when I awoke I was pretty excited because I had an idea of some things I needed to accomplish and I was eager to see if I could stay in the Vortex all day long. And here's the really cool thing to me--I was excited to get to my chair to meditate and really excited to do a focus wheel. Wow!
Sidebar: I omitted a HUGE synchronistic part of my story yesterday. I chose to do one of my focus wheels on "I lovingly don't give a rip what others think of me." Some time later I was on my way to Portland and I put in the San Rafael CD#3 that I mentioned yesterday. A gentleman was asking a whole series of questions (one about sex which provided material for the Abrahams to demonstrate their fairly raunchy sense of humor). His last question won't be a surprise, I'm sure. It was "How can I not give a rip what others think of me without hurting them?"
While these personal messages are now an almost everyday occurrence, I still find them exciting. But it didn't stop there. Abraham had him repeat his question several times until it was phrased almost exactly as I had written it that morning, "How can I lovingly not give a rip what others think of me?" End of Sidebar
Okay, so I stayed in the Vortex pretty much all day yesterday and decided to track when I got spit out and why. HMMMMM, it just happened to be when I felt even the slightest whisper of disapproval or misunderstanding from someone with whom I was interacting. And I mean nuances of expression or tone or gesture that might even hint in that direction.
I know that anyone who is disapproving of me is doing so because they are temporarily disconnected from Source, so they cannot see me through the eyes of source. How often, I asked myself, am I doing the same thing? When I am worried about someone, when I wonder why someone wants to focus on reality when it scares or saddens them, when someone tells a negative story and I know what they are attracting, I am judging them. Yes, I want everyone to feel good, I want everyone to reap the benefits of directing their thoughts and having life be easy and fun. It is, however, not my job to be in their business in any way.
The "what-I don't-want" statement for the focus wheel today: "I don't want to judge people."
Statement in the center of the focus wheel: "I want to see everyone through the eyes of Source."
I knew that I have no trouble seeing some people through the eyes of Source and I knew that this is a fun experience. I also knew that lists of positive aspects about people that I know would be helpful. I knew that catching myself doing that thing that I do that disconnects me from Source and then affirming my worthiness/preciousness would be great. I knew that the larger part of me is Source energy. Soon I had 12 statements and I immediately began a journal called "Book of Positive Aspects". What was really cool was that I started to see patterns. I'd be thinking about one friend and I'd come up with a word and realize that it really applied to all my friends. Almost everyone I know and love has "Seeker" under their name. Also "Intuitive". And "Gentle". And "Loving". I was just marveling at the beauty of all of the people I know and I could feel my heart expanding and I can feel that right in this moment as I type this.
Another thing I'm doing has to do with a pesky, long-standing tendinitis issue that up to now has gotten a little better, then a little worse, then a little better, then a lot worse. I've had plenty of time and opportunity to Abraham-ize my analysis of this situation, but mostly I've just been observing it, complaining about it (mostly to myself, but still....) and just generally getting used to limiting the use of my right hand. Typing, artwork, using scissors, scrubbing, throwing, catching, arm-crossing, carrying, picking up and putting down, clothing removal (pants and socks) all are things I've either stopped doing or adapted to doing by other means. Gift: I've gotten really good with my left hand.
Here's what Abraham says about unwanted physical conditions: If you have some negative emotion and you don't do anything about it, don't worry, it will get bigger. If you don't use your negative emotions as guidance to redirect your thoughts; if you just observe what's in front of you, and respond positively only when reality is the way you prefer it to be and respond negatively to what you don't want thereby attracting more of what you don't want, you end up with negative patterns of thought. And this is not about the big issues, this is about the little niggly bothers--the "I wish-he-would-pick-up-his-underwear's," and the "Getting-old-is-just-not-that-much-fun's" that we sloppily think on a regular basis. We get used to feeling blechk about ourselves and our lives and eventually this manifests physically. And if we don't pay attention to the physical manifestation, it becomes chronic, like tendinitis.
So here's what I'm trying. I'm tracking my everyday activities for unconscious thoughts, sensations or emotions and it's a real goldmine. Longstanding negative thoughts about my body pop up. Again, not the big "I'm a huge fat worthless slob," followed by other self-recrimination. This is the more subtle, almost out-of-conscious-range combo of thought-sensation-emotion that happens as I look at my reflection in the mirror and give a quick eye-roll, for instance. Or the heaving sigh when I notice a blemish. Or the focus on how long it takes me to do maintenance on this older body and face. Wow, that's a lot of negative emotion. Now there are times when I look at myself in the mirror and love what I see, but more often than not I am tolerating what I see--again, not seeing myself through the eyes of source.
So now, when I feel a twinge in my thumb, wrist, or forearm, I use the surefire, "I must be doing that thing that I do, aren't I precious?" And I try to track what it was I was thinking about when the unpleasant sensation occurred. I've had a LOT less pain and the pain ALWAYS ceases as I track the thought. And here I am typing away for an hour a day or more, which in the past was very irritating. And I'm doing more of the above-mentioned activities with fewer symptoms. Cool!
So, I have a couple of neat little stories from today. I was in Best Buy looking for some X-Box products (points and a controller). I didn't really know what I was looking for and when I got to the gaming area, I felt lost. Not a sales person in sight. Whoa, I thought, I'm in the Vortex and I can just ask and it will be given. Besides, it's a safe bet that you'll find gamers in the gaming area. I stood for a moment looking over the crowd. A guy with a baby and a 5-yr-old boy just shined with a little extra light. I asked him one question, and within seconds was being generously guided through the gaming area with every question answered before I asked it. His kids were gorgeous, he was a great dad and just delightful to be with. He spent a good 10 minutes explaining things to me and since the best controller was out of stock, he directed me to Target, whose inventory he knew by heart as well. Extremely pleasant interaction.
On to Macy's to get a gift card. I speculated aloud to Herb that maybe Macy's had a gaming department. I got into the store and realized I just didn't know the layout. I decided to get the gift card and maybe ask someone. The saleswoman behind a makeup counter had no customers so I asked for the gift card and while I was at it if she knew if Macy's carried X-Box products. No, she said. "I know we don't have any of that because my son is really into the X-Box so I'm up an on all of that stuff."
She then gave me some ideas about where I might shop. Nice!
I did find the points cards I wanted at Target, but we quit shopping in order to get to 24 Hour Fitness (that's todays picture because pools and water are so Vortex-inducing for me). Afterwards, we decided to try Fred Meyer. I don't know the electronics department well, I wasn't wearing my glasses and all the sales people were busy. There was, however, a group of what struck me as electronics-oriented guys with a definite Bill Gates vibe sort of milling in the front section of the department. Perfect.
"You guys know where the X-Box area is?" I ask.
In unison, with perfectly synchronized thumb thrusts and direction-indicating neck bends, they chorused, "Over there."
Ask and it is given. Times six.